Wrapping Up

Sometimes when a marriage seems to be in trouble, both parties will ignore the sign in the hope that things will eventually work themselves out and everything will be ok in the end. However in most cases this is never the ideal outcome and things just escalate further until it becomes so unbearable that the only solution would be divorce. Therefore in the interest of trying to save a marriage, all efforts should be exercised to keep the idea of divorce from creeping into the situation.

The following are some of the more obvious signs that could indicate that a marriage is in trouble and what action should be taken to avoid disastrous consequences:

One of the first signs of trouble in “paradise” is when one party can no longer see the good in the other person. Anything and everything said or done by the other party is almost always looked upon with disdain, disappointment or even worse anger.

This is a sure sign that things are not right and is help is not sought immediately; a once loving relationship could eventually turn violent and abusive. These negative feelings will eventually kill any lingering positive elements within the relationship, to the extent that there is really no possibility in accepting the other party back and making a fresh start.

Fighting constantly is also another sure sign that something is wrong.

When this happens, both parties will learn to go their own separate ways while still existing within the relationship. This of course is also very unhealthy as both parties will eventually develop such animosity towards each other, that they will eventually only exist bodily within the relationship, without any mental or physical contact. This will then no longer be a relationship at all.

Chapter 6: Places To Get Free Counseling

Marriage  is  hard  work  and  anyone  who  says  otherwise  is  not  really committed to making it for  the long haul. Along with the hard work there are also times of great joy and fulfillment, but when this is not forthcoming  for  quite  a while,  then,  it  is  time  to  seek  some  outside help.  This  help  ideally  should come  in  the  form  of  marriage counseling.

The following are some places that one should explore for the purpose of seeking outside help to try and save or create a better and stronger marriage relationship:

Where To Go

Reading as much as possible on the subject would be helpful. When there  are  problems  published  that  are  similar  to  the  ones  the individual is going through the general experience and outcome could be  applied  or  at  least  tried.

Sometimes  it  would  be  helpful  to  know that there are others that have gone through the same situation and that it is possible to overcome it successfully.

Seeking counseling from a priest is also another option for those who are more religiously inclined. This is helpful only if both parties are open  and  willing  to explore  options  that  are  closely  linked  to  the religious angle or take on things.

This  is  also  a  very  helpful  option,  if  both  parties  are  known  to  the priest taking on the counseling session, as it would give all concerned a better and clearly take on the whole situation.

For some joining a support group would be a more suitable match, as they  would prefer  to  hear  several  different  views  on  the  matter  and also for its non threatening and non judgmental base.

Being  in  a  group  will  allow  both  parties  to  be  able  to  hear  several different types  or  suggestions  and  opinions  that  may  prove  to  be helpful and practical.

Wrapping Up

Chapter 5: Realize The Only Person You Can Change Is You

Most relationships that encounter problems seem to focus on the “who is to blame” element. This is not only destructive but is also an action that usually leads to more problems than solutions.

Have A Look

Being the “bigger” person within the equation, would allow the individual to take on the responsibility of acknowledging some change is needed, and that the change should ideally start with the individual itself.

Being prepared to accept that some of the fault does indeed lie at the individual’s “feet” is a set in the right direction. Taking the time and effort to explore the various reasons and actions that had a part in contributing to the current negativity of the relationship will help the individual realize that there is really no benefit in placing the blame on everyone and anyone else.

Successful recovery of a damaged relationship will be off to a good start when each person involved is willing to change for the better.

This should be the main focus of the exercise as changing for the better will always be a more beneficial exercise that will eventually become so normal that the individual will no longer look upon such an exercise as something forced or unfair.

The positive changes will also help the individual become a better person, thus making the overall situation more pleasant and easy to improve upon.

It is also almost always easier to change oneself rather than trying to change the other party in the relationship. Changing oneself does not require the constant maneuvering of another person’s physical and mental control.

Concentrating on being a better person and a more loving and caring partner will also encourage the other party to respond in an equally positive manner thus successfully allowing the relationship to improve for the better.

Chapter 6: Places To Get Free Counseling

Chapter 4: Develop A Positive Attitude About Getting Help


Part  of  the  growing  process  within  a  marriage  relationship  is  to understand and accept the need for positive intervention when things are not going according to plan. Being able to seek such help is pivotal in keeping the marriage of the road to recovery rather than disaster.

The Attitude

The most difficult effort to make would be to not resort to seeking justice  for  the  wronged  feelings  and  experiences.  The  individual would have to be strong enough and to want the relationship badly enough,  to  get  to  the  stage  where  there  is  a  positive  attitude  in place to help salvage the marriage by getting help.

Bitterness  will  not  help  in  any  way,  especially  if  the  individual  is interested in keeping a good grasp on the relationship. Despite the hurt  and  negativity,  both  parties  should  ideally  try  to  seek  help from professional outside forces that will help to move both parties forward and in a mode where damage control can be initiated.

Trusting  that  the  help  sought,  will  give  both  parties  the opportunity to seek some form of resolve that will help to keep the marriage on the track to mending itself is very important.

In most cases the trust issue within relationship is the first thing that  becomes  a  matter  of  contention  for  both  parties,  therefore making  the  effort  to  develop  a  positive  attitude  to  building  back the trust is an important step in the right direction.

Forgiveness is another element that needs to be addressed in the process  of  cultivating  a  positive  attitude.  The  positive  impact  of being ready to forgive can and usually does wonders for the failing relationship.

A  lot  of  people  have  attested  to  the  success  of  salvaging  the marriage  when  the  positive  element  of  forgiveness  is  widely  and consciously practiced.

Chapter 5: Realize The Only Person You Can Change Is You

Chapter 3: Make a List Of What Is Getting In The Way


Once  the  goals  for  the  marriage  has  been  firmly  outlined  and accepted, there would be some follow up steps that should be taken to ensure  the goals set  are  achieved  without  eventually  contributing  to the downfall of the relationship.

What’s In The Way

Making  a  list  of  the  elements  that  could  be  possible  contributing factors  in  not  getting  the  goals  achieved  would  be  a  wise  and preemptive action to initiate. This will give both parties the leeway to be open and frank about their reservations and fears. It will also allow both  parties  to  see  each  other  weakness  and  strengths  and  work toward  exploring  the  strengths  and  limiting  the  hold  that  the weaknesses may present.

There are several things that would constitute actions that get in the way of achieving the end goals for the marriage. Some of these may prove  to  be  unfounded  and  quite  easily  managed  and  eradicated, while others may present more of a challenge to the couple. The ones that  would  be  identifies  as  a  challenge  should be addressed  without reservations to ensure these challenges don’t test the patience of both parties and also to ensure it does not in any way negatively affect the marriage.

Sometimes  there  is  a  need  to  prioritize  the  items  on  the  list  of marriage  goals.  Failing  to  do  this  could  create  the  confusion  and stress that could lead to the goals becoming a nightmare rather than a healthy  focus  for  the  couple.  Being  prepared  and  aware  of  the necessity to change priorities would also be another thing to consider and  work  on,  as  more  often  than  not situations  arise  unexpectedly that can cause the goals set to become defunct. Part of the list should be how to handle or address such possibilities.

Chapter 4: Develop A Positive Attitude About Getting Help

Chapter 2: Make A List Of Your Goals For Your Marriage


Although  it  may  seem  ideal  to  simply  drift  along  through  the  marriage,  it  would  help  to  create  a  stronger  marriage  bond  if  both parties work out some goals they can participate in achieving

The Goals

The  goal  setting  exercise  is  important  as  it  helps  both  parties strengthen  their  relationship  by  focusing  on  a  common  goal.  It  also helps to improve communication and creates the desire to help each other  in  a  more  conducive  manner  so  that  the  goals  set  can  be
achieved without undue pressure.

The  goals  also  help  to  validate  each  other’s  contributions  to  the relationship and also keep both parties accountable and committed.

Part of the goal setting process would require both parties to verbalize their  dreams  and  aspirations  for  the  relationship,  thus  giving  each other a clear insight into the workings of their individual mindsets.

Creating  a  list  individually  and  then  taking  the  time  to  sit  down together  to  try  and  collaborate  in  forming  a  new  list  that  will  serve each  party’s  needs  comfortably,  would  be  the  ideal  way  to  go  about the whole exercise of setting goals.

Once  this  is  done,  both  parties  would  then  have  to  decide  on  some sort  of  time  line  that  would  be  suitable  and  realistic  in  moving towards achieving the goals set.

This  would  include  having  to  evaluate  and  re-valuate  certain  values and mindset in order to make the goals set achievable. This time of sharing  aspirations  can  be  very  enjoyable  and  enlightening  if  both parties  maintain  some  level  of  intimacy  and  cordiality.  Being accusational and demanding will not help the exercise of goal setting for  the  marriage.  The  act  of  sharing  goals  can  often bring  a  couple closer  together  and  also  keep  them  more  focused  on  each other throughout the exercise.

Chapter 3: Make a List Of What Is Getting In The Way

Chapter 1: Marriage Counseling Basics


When a marriage is in trouble the best medicine for it would be to head to marriage counseling centre. These marriage counseling sessions are usually conducted by experienced individual whose main goal is to help save the marriage. Get all the info you need here.


It is often difficult to try and save the marriage when both parties feel they are hitting a brick wall with their perceived attempts to being reasonable.

The marriage counselor is usually an individual who is not interested in taking side but more interested in getting to the root of the problem and finding a workable solution to get the marriage back on the right track. These people are usually specifically trained to help any and all situations that are created within the marriage that has gone badly wrong. Couple seeking the help of a marriage counselor, will usually come away quite surprised, at what they learn from the sessions.

In almost all cases, miscommunication and misinterpretation are the main culprits of the discord experienced within the marriage.

The Basics

The marriage counselor will be able to help the couple see things in a different light and then outline ways to help create a more conducive and workable situation where both parties can participate positively towards mending the relationship.

 In helping the couple identify the problem both honestly and clearly, the counselor will then be able to get both parties to work on some exercises that will help them to understand each other better, thus allowing the couple to better face the problem head on when the appropriate time presents itself.

Attending marriage counseling session would also help the couple be more open as the counselor will certainly ask very probing question and will not allow either party to be evasive in their answers.

This level of honestly is sometimes not forthcoming within the confines of the marriage.